Dear Oliver,
You woke up screaming this morning. Usually throwing you on the boob will settle you instantly, but NOPE. Now I’m fully awake trying to see what is wrong. Your diaper leaked and you were soaked. That must be it. After getting your wet clothes off… usually that will calm you… but NOPE! “Shhhh, Oliver, it’s ok little man, it’s ok, shhhh.” I’m repeating this over and over while I change your diaper. Why are you still crying? These things usually work. I’m working at a faster pace now, Cody is now awake and all 3 of us are feeling frustrated for different reasons. I lay you against your dad to try and warm you back up now that you are changed and cleaned up. You are still upset, but the crying isn’t as intense. I crawl into bed on the other side of you and your dad and I get you to calm down with some loving shushes and you finally start to nurse. You fall asleep, nuzzled between mom and dad, holding both of our hands, content. Baby boy, our life together will have wins and it will have challenges, but you will always be wrapped in our LOVE.
Tag: #firsttimemom
Motherhood is hard
Motherhood is hard. 
It’s not a secret, but no one tells you that the hardest part about being a mom has little to do with your child at all. It’s the other aspects to your new title. Balancing your work, maintaining your relationships, navigating your hormones, learning to live with your postpartum body, battling with your anxieties, working through your guilt, agonizing over parenting decisions or missteps, operating on little sleep, plus keeping this little person safe all while trying to figure out who you are now after this monumental identity shift. Not to mention the isolation that tends to creep in when you least expect it. Those are the hard parts. It’s not your kid. It’s you. Managing yourself, this new you, that is the part that takes the work. I am learning and evolving every day.
I have days when I kill it and days when it nearly kills me. When I say motherhood is hard, it is. Loving my baby and being his mom is not. That’s the easy part.
Illuminating The Positive 